I don’t know about you, but I am not the type of person who “forgets” to eat. How does one even “forget” to consume food? Food is on my mind constantly: I dream about it, I daydream about it, my conversations revolve around it…basically my life is food. I like eating every few hours and I also enjoy keeping a little extra snack in my purse in case I’m not able to eat a whole meal at my usual times. When something or someone interferes with my food schedule/food, it does not make for a happy girl and I would suggest getting out of my way at all costs. This is especially the case when I go out to eat, extremely excited to get my food and something extremely small and insignificant messes up my entire meal.
The following are some things that really upset me when I’m out to eat and trying to satiate my hunger:
1. Asking for no pickles and receiving pickles. “Umm, excuse me, I asked for no pickles and there seems to be some on this chicken sandwich.” “Can’t you just pick them off?” NO. NO I CANNOT. You can never get rid of the pickle taste. Ever.
2. Not getting enough ketchup. If I ask for ketchup, you better give me more than 2 because everyone knows that those little ketchup packets only hold enough for two fries. Thus, not allowing me to enjoy all of my fries because I only have enough ketchup for two of them.
3. Waaaaay too much mayo. I can only tolerate it in small amounts and I don’t even really like looking at it. Wiping the excessive amount off the bun totally destroys the entire experience of eating my burger.
4. NOT GETTING A STRAW! This is in caps because it’s probably one of the eaisest things to do, yet without fail almost every time I go somewhere noone gives me a straw. Do I just look like the type of person that gives no fucks and can drink out of overused cups everywhere? I refuse to drink out of cups from restaurants without a straw, so I instead sit there and wait, with cottonmouth, until I can get one.
5. Literally no meat in my salad. If I ask for a salad, chances are I am trying to be healthy for the next 24 hours until I happen to pass by a Chickfila the next day. If I order a chicken salad, they damn well better give me some chicken because eating a bunch of leaves will literally leave my stomach empty and I will just have to go home and eat even more food.
6. Way too much ice. Chances are, if I order a sweet tea, I actually do want sweet tea and actually do not want a cup full of ice and few drops of tea. Fast food places be stingy as hell.
7. Having a piece of lettuce on your burger that could possibly pass for a bush. I’m going to take it off and if I don’t its going to fall out or I’ll be stuck nibbling on it for 10 minutes before I get to the actual burger. Same for big buns. (haha).
8. Too much salt. If there’s an actual salt layer to the fries, how could anyone possibly eat them without at least wondering twice about their cholesterol? I think about it three times, then end up eating them anyways.
9. Soup straight from the equator. This is why I don’t order soup at restaurants. 9.9999 out of 10 times its going to be so damn hot you’ll have to wait at least 10 minutes to eat it or else your tongue will burst into flames. In these 10 minutes, I will have to watch everyone else eat their food while I think about my stupid fucking decision to order soup.
10. Waiting for food. Until there becomes a way to instantaneously get my food fresh and ready to eat at a snap of my fingers, I will never truly be satisfied.